Where am I now?
I didn’t start taking ANY new clients until after I was a certified “Intuitive Eating Counselor”. The process was intense, but I soaked up every morsel. I immersed myself in the human body. I wanted to understand the brain and our hunger/fullness signals and “weight set point range”. I deconstructed diet culture, capitalism, and feminism.
I needed to know what people REALLY struggled with so I could REALLY help them. I started reading things from leaders in the world of eating disorder recovery and food science. I finally grasped how to read a peer-reviewed study and to decipher between “causation and correlation”. I dug into food addiction and binge eating. I was clear on what I had struggled with for so long, and how I could NOW help others become healthier and more joyful, without the risk of causing further harm.
My clients were finally giving me the feedback I longed for in my early days: life-changing, deeply healing, and “the only thing that has ever made sense” are the things I hear nowadays. Their success stories fuel my fire and keep pushing me to learn more and to coach from a place of compassion and empathy.
Meanwhile, in my personal life, we had finally found our stride. After coaching my husband through his own mid-life crisis (which included infertility, quitting his job, selling most of our belongings, and traveling the world as nomads for months) we were finally settled. We burned down our old life, and we intentionally, and consciously, created a new one. It was terrifying, and beautiful, and we learned incredible life lessons. Things you can never learn from books or lectures… about priorities, and culture, and struggle, and pain, and grief, and hope, and success.
Anything I am leaving out?
Nope, now what you see is what you get. I am an open book and there is no longer anything to hide. Life can still be a struggle. I have found an amazing therapist who helps me deal with my own “stuff” and offers professional supervision to ensure I am working with integrity. My health is getting better day by day (thanks to lots of rest and self-care and the fabulous new doctors I have found here in Portland) and yet I am still a human being and I have a human body… and they break down from time to time. I am not broken and I don't need to be fixed.
Last thoughts about my weight:
I no longer think of food in relation to weight. Same goes with movement (or what you may call it, exercise). I eat food that makes me feel good and I move in a way that makes me feel good. Often my mental, emotional, or spiritual well-being get more attention than my physical health. That is where I stand now.
My body is an instrument, not an ornament. Body image is often the root of a lot of pain, but I don’t see my value from an external perspective any longer. My worth comes from within and my body is simply gonna do what she’s gonna do. All I can do is support her, nourish her, and love her along the way.